i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
