ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
