NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
