just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
