Ambien. No doubt about it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
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I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
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The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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