Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
