so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Randomize
