I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
