I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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