really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
