She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
