i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
