I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
