I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Someone signed my nipple.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
