she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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