The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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