Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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