I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
