And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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