I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
COCAINE IS GR8
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
