my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
