New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
