Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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