I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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