once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
