She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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