At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
