I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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