It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
