I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
