my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
