Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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