Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm really busy with my period
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