we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dicks are not precious.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
