1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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