So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
