I'm going to jail i love you
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
