Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
