He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
where are my eyebrows?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
