Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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