I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize