I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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