Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
