I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
