I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
