he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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