UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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