due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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