we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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