Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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