You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
