my being single is dangerous.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
