doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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