Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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