I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
