I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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