Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Randomize
