The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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