and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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