They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
