he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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