Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
