Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I would ride that face into the sunset
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