she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
