I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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