this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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