The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
